COMING SOON TO A 'HOOD NEAR YOU: Bewildered Manhattanites Only Half-in-the-Bag!

[NYSun]
No one indulges in the charms of the City That Never Sleeps quite like the New Yorkers whose Manhattan apartments are only a quick lurch and stumble from their favorite inebria-torium. But it's nap time, Manhattan (and I'm looking right at YOU, East Village)! Pressure from community boards has made the NY liquor authority increasingly loathe to issue a license without a stipulated 2AM closing time.

COMING SOON TO A 'HOOD NEAR YOU: Your Very Own Freedom Tower!

[NYP]
Someone working on the WTC site dumped sensitive blueprints into a public trash can where they were later found by a homeless man. Who knows how many developers got a glimpse before they were returned to the proper authorities? Just don't be surprised when mid- and high-rise Freedom Tower-lets begin sprouting up as NYU student housing, waterfront Brooklyn condos, and ambitious configurations of cardboard boxes.

Does This Borough Make My Butt Look Big?

Nope, but that butt may make your borough look small—oh, snap! No, seriously...

According to the New York Times, in keeping with bulking trends of the rest of the nation, New Yorkers packed on 10 million pounds between 2002 and 2004. But in a city that paces out some of the most expensive space on the planet in square feet, that means that widening citizens are consuming precious NYC real estate as recklessly as they are apparently consuming complex carbohydrates and contraband transfat.

Not convinced your Brooklyn apartment is fitting a bit more snugly these days? Sam Roberts of the Times, advises:

Think of it this way: 10 million more pounds is the equivalent of adding 20 full-sized replicas of the Statue of Liberty.

So four years since 2004, some New Yorkers may well be sharing their Queens condos, Brooklyn brownstones, Bronx coops, and Staten Island split-levels with their share of 40 more Lady Liberties worth of pudge. But New Yorkers in Manhattan apartments have had to part with far fewer square feet.

Over all, more than 300,000 New Yorkers get to work on foot. But Manhattanites tend to walk more than people who live and work in the rest of the city. They’re more likely to walk to the bus or subway. Walk up and down stairs to stations. Even walk all the way to work.

Here's how the boroughs tip the scales based on percentages of overweight denizens: Manhattan, 42.3%; Queens, 57.6%; Staten Island, 57.7%; Brooklyn, 58.6; and the Bronx, 62.7%.

Cheer up plumper borough dwellers! According to another Times article, you can shave 4 years off your looks if you stand next to a suburbanite:

[R]esearchers concluded that suburbanites were more likely to report chronic health problems, like high blood pressure, arthritis, headaches, migraines and breathing problems than people who lived in the city… [T]heir findings suggested that sprawl ages a community by four years.

COMING SOON TO A 'HOOD NEAR YOU: Scary Smart Kids!

[edWKT] This article features a map that shows that the concentration of NYC public school children classified as Gifted & Talented varies hugely between school districts and boroughs and predictably correlates with local NYC real estate values. To avoid their glassy, will-paralyzing stares, you can find refuge to in the green-colored neighborhoods on the map, but it's only a matter of time and increasing school funding before they find you!

I Dream of Ingenie

The NYC real estate community was all a’flutter earlier this week when the Real Estate Board of New York (REBNY) announced the 2007 winners of the Most Ingenious Deal of the Year Awards, affectionately known to industry insiders and fans alike as the "Ingenies."

Giddy masses lined the red carpet outside the 101 Club desperately hoping to catch a glimpse of their favorite New York City real estate agents—perhaps a spouse, daughter, brother, or Mom—as they made their way inside the chicken-or-fish gala. And, of course the press—Tom Acitelli of the New York Observer—swarmed.

Thirty-nine New York City brokers of the 21 most breathtaking deals struck in 2007 were nominated for Ingenies, but only one can take home the honor of first place. And the Ingenie goes to…

Mary Ann Tighe and Gregory Tosko of CB Richard Ellis for their gritty, raw, but unflinchingly honest deal Adding Color to Grey: The Winding Road to Grey Group’s 370,000-Square-Foot Anchor Lease at 200 Fifth Avenue. Executed with graphic, hand-held realism, Tighe and Tosks’ stunning achievement will allow the advertising firm, Grey Group, to complete its epic NYC relocation to the Toy Center building after its natural, 3rd Avenue habitat was re-zoned residential.

In deference to the brave American men and women battling the subprime crisis that has yet to deliver more than a glancing blow to the NYC real estate market, celebrants partied especially hearty.

A Real Estate Tipster for Hipsters

For the first time in decades, this year’s must-have accessory for the most deeply committed avant-garde may not be creative angst or even the highly coveted—but more often affected than genuine—vainglorious self-loathing of true artistic genius (I don’t mean you, of course). Nope, this year’s earlobe flesh tunnels might just be Brooklyn condos or Queens coops.

Now, the NYC real estate market might sound perfectly suited to members of a subculture who routinely pierce their most tender flesh with sharp metal objects, but that natural affinity has yet to be embraced, Eve Levine tells The Brooklyn Paper, by hipsters who pride them selves on being “the opposite of Wall Street.”

As a NYC real estate broker, Ms. Levine is fluent in the un-hip “realities” of such things as the housing market and repairing bad credit. But as an artist and musician, Ms. Levine also has the hipster street cred to effectively communicate her knowledge to the type of people who believe that “hipster street cred” actually exists because it's so ironic it's not, but so un-ironic it is.

Ms. Levine recently founded an informational series that meets in trendy bars called “Hipster Mortgage Night.” Her goal is to bring the good news of equity building, home ownership to the righteously inked tribes of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and anywhere else they may be found, paying rent with tip money.

For some “Hipster Mortgage Night” attendees, however, the news isn’t always good. For one couple who envisioned their first purchase would be an entire house, the reality check was as painfully brutal as it was painfully necessary:

“Now we know a one-bedroom is best […] It was a really informative experience, but it kind of crushed my dreams.”

Don't worry, they'll get there. So will you.

Click here for or more information about upcoming "Hipster Mortgage Nights."

The Toast of Staten Island!

Chateau d’Ile de Staten Formidable Rouge might have a more palatable ring, but let’s face it, the native Staten Island twang could never do it justice—and/or visa versa. Nevertheless, most New Yorkers would probably hope that the quality of vino produced by the borough’s first—and the city’s only—vineyard would deserve a classier name than one that’s likely to be mistaken for a pee-wee hockey team sponsored by a strip mall Super Cuts: Super Staten Island Reds.

Unless of course it’s meant to be mixed with 7-Up and Gatorade and consumed in traffic islands, then—by all means—they should keep the name, Staten Island Super Red.

Claire Trapasso of the Associated Press reports that the businessmen who conceived of the idea have no intention for Super Red Staten Island to take its place alongside the likes of Thunderbird or Mad Dog 20/20:

They traveled to Crespina, Italy, in November to glean ideas from [established and respected] vineyards.

They consulted with viticulture experts from Cornell University and the University of Pisa to select a blend of grapes that would grow in the Staten Island Botanical Garden.

They settled on cabernet sauvignon, merlot and sangiovese varieties, which they hope to plant in spring 2009.

Now if only they’d travel to Madison Avenue, consult with a focus group, and settle on a better name.

Probably Not the Weirdest Thing Your Neighbors Do, But Still...

Martha Stewart did it in most of her homes, but probably not in prison. Bill Clinton did, too—at home and in his office. Professional photographer, Todd Eberle, who did it for both of them, tells the New York Times:

“We fetishize homes now, in a way that we never used to.”

Apparently that is why some co-op and condo owners are willing to shell out $3500 to $75,000 for exquisite portraits of their homes to display in their homes that are, presumably, less exquisite homes without the portraits—of their homes, in their homes. According to photographer Eric Prine, whose fees start at $4000:

“The client wants to see their home shown in the best way possible, so we enhance every aspect and detail.”

Much as a fashion photographer’s retouching can digitally obliterate cellulite and cold sores, part of these apartment photographers’ artistry is their ability to make steel window gates and bullet holes in walls vanish. As Mr. Eberle puts it:

“The most successful picture is a complete lie.”

Homecoming (-Down), Queens!

Manhattan apartments can be a tough habit to break. Sure, there will always be those individuals who can enjoy it responsibly and walk away when they’ve had enough. Maybe they are lucky and rent stabilized or maybe—as a few conflicted outer borough transplants might prefer to believe—they just haven’t had a jarring enough wake-up call yet.

For Liz Galbo and Partick Haggerty, it wasn’t until their mid-town studio habit had reached $1500. a month that they were ready to admit they had a problem. Ms. Galbo told the New York Times’ Joyce Cohen:

“[Columbus Circle] is so great it doesn’t matter much what your apartment is like. There is so much to do outside. But our luck ended. So that spun us into a little bit of a panic.”

The young couple’s first taste of “cold turkey” came in the form of flavorful wraps from a hip-ish café on Queens Boulevard. According to Ms. Galbo:

“It was the cutest little coffee shop that made me feel I was in Greenwich Village. Any doubt we had, sitting there eating lunch eased our minds.”

In a maneuver that exposed their lingering vulnerability to Manhattan-type trappings, they based their decision to move into a nearby one-bedroom apartment, in large part, on this pleasant lunching experience and were dismayed and terrified to find:

Their street was a busy thoroughfare. Teenagers congregated near their window. Streetlights glared. They [required] earplugs and sleeping masks. The heat and hot water cut out for days.

[Ms. Galbo said] “We didn’t walk down the street at different times of day… Inside, we heard all the chaos outside, and outside there wasn’t much to do.”

Cowering inside their apartment, however, not only spared Ms. Golbo and Mr. Haggerty from congregating teens, but also the expense of the $10 cocktails and dinners out that were integral to their daily Manhattan lifestyle. Mr. Haggerty said:

“A lot of our friends feel like they are struggling and it’s hard to build some momentum, but you really can do it if you stay away from the bars. It’s amazing how quickly you can get yourself to a place where you can build for the future.”

Within six months, their savings had snowballed to $40, 000, enough for a down payment on a beautiful 1,400 square foot, one-bedroom Kew Gardens, Queens co-op. Now Ms. Golbo says of her new, improved life:

“People think [Queens] is a different planet. I think I am in on some secret.”