The Toast of Staten Island!

Chateau d’Ile de Staten Formidable Rouge might have a more palatable ring, but let’s face it, the native Staten Island twang could never do it justice—and/or visa versa. Nevertheless, most New Yorkers would probably hope that the quality of vino produced by the borough’s first—and the city’s only—vineyard would deserve a classier name than one that’s likely to be mistaken for a pee-wee hockey team sponsored by a strip mall Super Cuts: Super Staten Island Reds.

Unless of course it’s meant to be mixed with 7-Up and Gatorade and consumed in traffic islands, then—by all means—they should keep the name, Staten Island Super Red.

Claire Trapasso of the Associated Press reports that the businessmen who conceived of the idea have no intention for Super Red Staten Island to take its place alongside the likes of Thunderbird or Mad Dog 20/20:

They traveled to Crespina, Italy, in November to glean ideas from [established and respected] vineyards.

They consulted with viticulture experts from Cornell University and the University of Pisa to select a blend of grapes that would grow in the Staten Island Botanical Garden.

They settled on cabernet sauvignon, merlot and sangiovese varieties, which they hope to plant in spring 2009.

Now if only they’d travel to Madison Avenue, consult with a focus group, and settle on a better name.